Give me your love.

Lord, as this new season of my life is unfolding, I pray that You would recreate me. I pray that You would give me Your eyes so that I can see this life the way You do, that You would give me Your heart so that I will be able to know Your desires and abide in Your will. Give me Your hands to touch the lives of Your people, and mostly Lord give me Your love.

Lord, Equip me with Your Loving qualities. I desire to learn to love the way You do. I want to build up Your church. I want to direct people to praise You. I want my life to reflect the greatness that You are. I never want to receive the glory that belongs to You. Lord, I want to live like Paul did. In suffering much he praised You so much. Every trial resulted in joy and a growth in faith.

I want to have a heart for Your people. I really want to love so greatly. My nature doesn’t know true love. I am such a self-centered creature. My mind loves to think about what I want, what’s best for me, how I can receive glory and fulfillment. Teach me Your ways, teach me step by step. Send my nature packing. I want to cry with those that are crying, laugh with those that are laughing, mourn with those that are mourning. I want to become all things for all, that I may save some.

Let me feel the pain of this world. Give me this wake up call. I want to have a bigger heart for this world.I want an insight on what they need. I want to live as a sacrifice. I’ll give my time, my heart, my life, my gifts(your gifts) to the building up and saving of some. You have given me ALL things. I want to give them back to You. Use them at Your will. Use me! I have nothing to offer and how great that is! For You will receive the glory. I trust that You will equip me with all things needed in this season.

I’m vowing to give You all of me. All my belongings, all my life, all my soul, all of my time. You have every right to transform me into whoever You will me to be. I will go wherever You send me. If you send me to the darkest saddest part of the city to reach the lost I will go. If you send me to the wise of this world I trust that you will equip me with Your knowledge that shames the wise.

I trust You, Honor You, respect You. I take this leap of faith with no hesitation. I am ready and willing to do Your will. Lord, if my dreams and desires never come to pass so that someone else can receive their dreams, I freely give mine up! I want to think less of me. I want to starve my selfish flesh and instead feed the homeless, hug the lonely, and hold the broken.

Lord, You are the only one who knows my desires. You know my biggest fears. You know my every thought. You know every hair on my head. You know me inside and out. You know how big my desires are of getting married and having children. If I never receive them because You don’t want those distractions holding me back, I give them to You. I have wanted to hold onto these desires so tightly. Not even for a second loosening my grip. But Lord, I lay them before Your throne as an offering. I give you my best. I give you the biggest of my dreams.

Your will is my will. My future is in Your hands. Send me ANYWHERE! I won’t let my dreams, fears, and desires stand in the way of Your will any longer. Send me to all ends of this earth if it be Your will. Send me into scary dark places if even for one lost child. For Your love is for every lost child. If no one else will go I will! I raise my hands in willingness! I give up! I’m lay myself flat on the floor in honor of You. For I have nothing. I am nothing. But You have everything. You are everything.

Lord, if you take away my every blessing to bring me to someone who needs you I won’t look back. I’ll drop all I have and run with You the race set before me. Lord, Help me to keep pace with You. Don’t let my feet step outside Your path. Don’t let me rush Your pace or slow You down. Carry me when I am lacking in drive, restrain me when I try to take the lead, and hold my hand all the way through! I need your love. I need you! No one can compare to You! No one loves me like You! You are the only Faithful One. I can lean on You always. You are able always. You are always! You’re forever! You are the great I AM, and You never change.And this is why I will follow. This is why I will praise You! This is why I love You.

Lord, I send my life up to you in a sweet and pleasing aroma. I pick up my cross so that I may walk with you. Lord I will choose to always raise my hands to you in praise. Constantly relying on you. Consistently letting you show me the way. Never equipping myself. Lord I will lead a life of worship. I will point to you. I will rely on your power and strength to hold me together. I will sing of Your unfailing Love, Your grace, Your work on the cross, Your promises, Your Plans, Your fulfillments. I will sing of You always. I will shout Your praise into the night. I will sing of Your love in the presence of the lost! I will humble my heart and let my image be the reflection of You. I don’t want people to look and see me. I went them to be blinded by YOU, Caught in the Light of You, Stunned by Your nature, and confounded by Your endless Love.

So in closing Lord, I give You my everything, I will love You with my everything, I will listen to Your calling, I will sing Hallelujah, I will worship You with my life, and Let Your love pour out into all aspects of my life. I am willing. I have nothing to hold me back, but everything to look forward to! I am so in love with You, I AM!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wrapping up, “Trying to Catch You up”

So I had spent Sunday through Wednesday praying about God’s will about Bible college and Music ministry. My thoughts were that I was going to enroll in Bible college next year and that I should talk to Riley the Praise Team Pastor… or whatever you call him about getting on a praise band… soon!  But I had gotten nothing from God yet about His timing so I was kind of on hold. I wasn’t going to do anything without His guidance.

So I went to church and sat with Koyah and the praise and message was awesome as usual. After the service me and Koyah were talking and she was asking me if I had gotten anything in my prayers about music and college. I said I didn’t know and that I was going to have to wait for God to really show me what to do. Then out of no where, Wayne shows up, not knowing anything about what we were talking about and says I need to go to Bible college. What?! haha I was blown away. He said that I should just show up to class. He told me the times and He said just come. And then somehow Koyah mentioned to Him that I had a good voice and He said. Go talk to Riley. Tell Him that I said you should audition for a praise band. So, I automatically starting freaking out.

You see Riley intimidates me! haha. He is just Very talented! I honestly didn’t think I had any chance. His band is just incredible. I had my eyes set so High and yet I thought FAT CHANCE.  If I was to be on a praise band I didn’t just want to be on any praise band. I wanted to be on Proto Evangelian’s, which I thought “ya right!” They were already a band. So so so talented!  No extra member’s needed. Fat chance, Fat chance. So I talked myself out of talking to Riley that night.

So I went home, told my Dad and Laura what happened, asked for prayer, and Dad said I should just go to the next class and then see what God was leading me to do. So that Friday I went to class and I knew I was supposed to keep going to the class.  So I knew I was supposed to go to bible college but at the time my schedule was not cleared up. So what do I do. I’m supposed to go to bible college BUt what did that include?… Moving to the dorms, quitting my job, selling my car, applying for more classes…? I had no idea. Panic was setting in and I honestly got a little overwhelmed! But God was sending me messages of just take one day at a time. Step by step, Day by day, He will show me glimpse by glimpse.

So all I had heard from God was to go to this class  and He would clear my schedule. And he did! I had a client on friday’s and I never had to miss a class. A couple of weeks she was in the hospital and then God released me from that client. I had been praying for Him to let me leave for a while and He answered my prayers. YAY! 

So I had gone to class on my first Friday and then the following Wednesday I had the same class. But, I have church on Wednesday nights and class ends at 3:30. You see, If I drove home I would be stuck in traffic for a good hour  or more so I figured alright that’s a waste of gas and by the time I got home I would pretty much have to just turn back around. So, I have to kill some time on Wednesday’s from 3:30- 6:45ish.

Well I had some homework so I walked over to the main building of the church and sat at a table and worked on my homework. Problem….. I finished my homework in about 20 minutes. I had nowhere to go and I had been wanting to play the Grand Piano in the sanctuary so I looked around and I didn’t see anybody. I thought cool, no one will hear me and I can mess around on a Grand Piano. I had never played on one and I wanted to know what it sounded like. So I walked around the stage looking for some left over sheet music… Sweet! Some of my favorite songs.

I was playing for a while when Riley walked in… I got nervous but figured “Oh well Rachel…. Just keep playing. If he wants you to stop he’ll tell you.”  He disappeared and I had no idea where he went, so I played a couple more songs and  I honestly thought I sucked. I had been losing my voice and I had never played a grand piano. Let’s just say I definitely did this beautiful instrument no justice!

I still had about 2 hours until church and I was embarrassed that someone had walked in on me playing so I took off. I got dinner, went to the park and my heart was racing. I knew God wanted me to talk to Riley and I was trying to get out of it. I spent the rest of the time just praying, reading the bible and trying to put my “speech” together.

After church that night I was walking out the door when Riley stopped me and told me that He had heard me playing earlier that day and that he thought I was good. In fact he said that he had noticed my voice for a while. He had heard it in church several times and wanted to make sure I was here at fellowship to stay. So he asked me a little bit about why I came to Fellowship and then said that we should co-lead music on a Wednesday or something. I said that would be awesome.

It’s now October and in the last couple weeks my work schedule has cleared up to the point that money is VERY little. I have started applying for waitressing jobs to juggle work and school better. No call backs yet. I went to the Pastor’s Conference and that was awesome. I spent a couple of days at the girls dorm and that was a blast, have met a bunch of new people, and had heard nothing about Praise ministry so I thought maybe Riley changed his mind. “Okay, God’s will! That’s fine. I’m not to worry about things that God is doing.” When all of a sudden announcements for band day start popping up.

Band day is something Riley is putting together as like a big audition for the Praise Ministry. His Hopes is to put together 2 new praise bands. So I thought “I honestly don’t know if I will get in a band. These bands they have are super talented and I don’t see a whole lot of just back up vocals. I don’t think my piano skills should be on stage yet.” So I really didn’t know what to expect. I just thought I will go. Audition I’ll put down that I can kinda play piano and see what happens.

So I auditioned and Riley let me know that he wants me to lead a band! Oh my gracious. This has been my dream forever and I never thought that it would ever happen. I didn’t think I was good enough! It just goes to show how great the Lord is!  He loves me so much. All glory goes to Him! I don’t know if it will FOR SURE happen but none the less it’s so cool to hear that I am good enough to lead a band. Correction God is good enough to lead a band and He is willing to use me! So cool. So cool! 

So over the course of nine months I have grown so much. The Lord has blessed me so much and I am so excited to see what God is doing. I still have unanswered questions but wowza! God is soooooo Grand! He far exceeds any plans I could have come up with! Rachel is a very blessed girl and she gets no credit! All  to Jesus The Master Planner!

Take this as encouragement. If you have no idea what God is doing, Just trust Him. He knows what’s best for you and its going to be AWESOME! If someone would have told me a year ago about my life now I would have laughed in their face. I never thought I could be this blessed. Jesus SO loves you and the pieces of the puzzle are going to start to come together. You just have to be patient.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”- Jeremiah 29:11-13



Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Time to Catch You Up Part 2

 I had been praying several months previously for ministry options like I mentioned in Part 1. I had asked the Lord if I could get involved in this church, go on a mission, go to bible college, get on the worship team, do youth ministry… anything. I didn’t know his plan so I just prayed for any open door. I have such a heart for ministry and church family and I was so hungry to get involved. I wanted to give back to my church. Give back to the Lord by being His hands, feet, voice, touch, or whatever He desired of me.

I had been writing some music and spending a lot of time on the piano the last couple months.  Jesus had given me some special moments at my piano. We broke down together, we sang love songs, we made reconciliation, I had confessed my needs, my faults, and my heart for Him at that old house piano. So many tears and prayers and praise moments with my Jesus. Jesus had given me a more musical ear in that time and I was so thankful. I was given a great gift. Jesus had allowed my hands and voice to express my heart in praise on that piano. Music just flowed out, he had blessed me. I don’t know what happened but my head was hearing not only my piano and voice, but drums and guitar, I was hearing worship sets in my head.

 I was so scared. I was getting a huge desire for music ministry but experiences at my old church had left me with scars. Why would a church ever let a girl like me lead worship? I’m too strong, I have to be seen not heard. A woman is never a leader, she must be weak and just make a man look and sound better. My voice isn’t that good. My piano skills could never lead someone to worship. How could the Lord use me? I’m just Rachel. I’m nothing. No one has missed me at Calvary…  The devil had given me some fears. And Jesus was definitely working through them. Jesus’ baby had been damaged and He was holding me.

One day I was on my way to church and I begged the Lord ” Just give me a glimpse. I just want a glimpse of your plan. I can’t see it. My life is so confusing. I’m leaping and holding onto the promise that you will catch me. I just need to know that I am doing the right things. Speak to me tonight at church. Just tell me something, anything. I am open. I am hungry for your voice Lord. Just a line, just a glimpse. A cracked door.” That night Jesus spoke to me in an audible voice during church. It wasnt as loud as the preachers but It was clear. I could have never made it up in my head. He said “You, my love are standing in the middle of a miracle! You don’t see it yet… but I DO! I’m standing back looking at the whole picture and I just can’t wait till you can see it to!”…..

haha. I had gotten a glimpse…..but not the glimpse I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, to hear God in an audible Voice was incredible! In fact my whole way home I was in tears cause I was so shaken up. I just didn’t know what that meant, or the time frame of it. It could have meant years before I see results. I just felt even more confused. I was trying to figure out what the miracle was… I was desperately weighing all the options I thought it could be. If I was standing in the middle of it that means I’m half way through….. How did I miss this?

 A couple of months went by of me trying to figure it out…..With no progress clearly! haha. God’s plans far exceed ours… I would have never guessed. Oh silly me. I had moments of holding onto it as a glimmer of hope and then times I would scream in frustration. “LORD I DONT SEE ANY MIRACLES!!! Why did you tell me this if I have to wait forever before I can see any results!” (What a spoiled brat. haha) Jesus had been doing a lot behind the scenes I didn’t know about. He is good like that!

So it was now the beginning of september. I was reaching to Jesus and I was truly content with having no contact at Church. I was letting Jesus do what he was going to do with that promise, I wasn’t going to focus on that. I was going to focus on the present moment. I went to church to let the Lord speak to me. I was hungry for His word, His love, and eager to raise my hands in praise. I wasn’t going to worry about what was happening next. I was basking in His glory and to be honest that’s really all I wanted. I had missed my Loving Father! We needed quality time.

Oh boy I have so much to cover…. haha looks like we may get into a Part 3….. for now I will continue….

So aside from an old friend from Lake Stevens that sat with me occasionally, I had no contact at this church. So It was a Wednesday night and Wayne the Senior Pastor introduced himself to me and asked me a few questions about myself. That was very cool. First Huge blessing. Sweet guy! And then He did it again on Sunday, and the next Wednesday.

On the following Sunday church went by how it usually went and I was about to leave when this girl turns around and introduced herself to me. Her name was Koyah and she was starting Bible college the next day. She asked me if I was a bible college student and I said no but that I had been praying about it lately. She told me that she liked my voice and that I should be on a worship team and that I should go to bible college. My heart started to race and I just told her that I would keep praying about it. I told her we should sit together on Wednesday and she said yes.

So I got in my car and my heart was racing so badly. I had met someone! And All of a sudden I had a peace about bible college and music ministry!  I spent the ride home praying for direction and His will. I just knew that it would all fall into place. Jesus was working out His plan and I was just going to sit and watch it unravel.  No worrying, No stressing, Jesus is able. He will do it! If I am meant to walk into those doors, He will carry me through them and I wont have to do the work myself.

OKay this is pretty long… I’m on a good writing streak so I’m just going to post this and then continue on Part 3. No long wait this time… You will see in Part 3 why I’ve been a little busy.. Hehe I gotta take advantage of this free time.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Time to Catch You Up Part 1

Wow time flies. I haven’t posted anything for quite some time now 😦  Well, my excuse is that I have had alot of changing going on and I don’t even know how to begin to tell you what has happened. Well…. lets see. We will start from the beginning.

So I have been goin to my new church since January and I’ve been feeling like God has put me in a waiting season. I’ve prayed about direction, ministry, and fellowship in relation to my new church and I just felt like God was saying “Rach, be patient I dont want you walking into those doors yet.” I would ask Him if I could talk to people or go to events and He would say “Not yet. Just go to church, praise me, listen to what I have to say, and go home.”

I would have moments of confusion. I never doubted that I was supposed to leave my old church and come to Calvary Fellowship but I wasn’t seeing any fruit. That made me concerned. Whenever God had lead me somewhere before, fruit had popped up in my life so quickly. He made it clear that I had obeyed Him and I was at the right place.

But I had switched churches, no one from my old church wanted anything to do with me and the one that did was moving across the states. I had moments of just lonliness. At Lake Stevens I was involved in so much ministry and I was always being stopped and talked to. Most people knew who I was, and then just like that, I was gone. I switched to a church where I sat alone, unoticed, or it least thats what it felt like. I wasn’t depressed, but only because I knew this was God’s will.

I got to where I was totally fine. If I would be at this church for years and never meet anyone, or go into ministry, I would be okay. I gave it up. “Lord, You can have it. I trust you. You make all things beautiful. If this church is just a stepping stone and You don’t want me to put my roots down here, I won’t. I am ready and willing to do your will.” And for several more months it was like that. I would go to church, praise him, listen to what he had to say, and then spend my ride home crying and talking to him in the car.

I realize now, that He needed to teach me so much about Himself. I had so limited His love. I had become so bitter by how people had treated me at Lake Stevens, at my old job, and by a guy who I felt had led me on. I was so mad that I had to be nice, smile, speak kindly to them, and keep loving on them even though they had all shot straight at my heart. I was so upset! I have always been the one to love and keep loving no matter what.

 I was mad that God was blessing the people who had hurt me. But instead of blessing me He took me and sat me alone like I was on time out but I was the one that did as he asked!!!!!! I did the right thing. I forgave. I turned the other cheek. You see, my mind was stirring up lies within me. I started to forget that God loved me. I truly forgot. I thought that everything He was doing was a punishment for something that I didn’t do. I felt like every hurt I felt, God should have given to the people that hurt me. I hadn’t realized that in my bitterness I had robbed God of His whole nature. How could I forgot that God loved me?! He is love! How could he NOT love me?

I realize now that God needed to get me alone and do some ground work. We had a shaky foundation and He wanted to show me the root of the problem. I wanted Him to build but He knew that building on a shaky foundation was just stupid. How can you build on something broken. He needed to show me His love before He would share me. He wanted the credit to go to Himself and not to people or situations. Cause those blessings are only skin deep and I would end up hurt again. I had placed my confidence on the back of people and people can only carry it for a short distance. Jesus can bear it the whole way. He wanted me to get to a place where I would ask Him to carry my confidence and share with me His love.

And that’s when my heart totally changed. I had been humbled by the Father and it was so good. I didn’t see all the ways He loved me and my confidence wasn’t at its high but, He had started a good work in me. As more months went by God was giving me insights of things to come and ideas were popping in my mind that I knew weren’t from me. I was growing anxious, I felt like things were changing again. It was now the begining of September and I was eager to see what God had in mind…. and I knew it was coming soon…. (I just didn’t realize it would be THAT soon.)

To be continued…. Don’t you hate when people do this. haha I just figure I’ll give you a break, cause we have alot more to cover 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Passing on the message!

Hey everyone. I just read an incredible exhortation from a close friend and I feel very strongly that I need to pass it on. Follow the link below to my dear friend Chelsea’s blog. She has got something to say about the importance of Christian fellowship. Seriously! Dare to learn something from the word about the importance of fellowship and come to the fact that as the body of Christ we have been slacking on our job. Then take some time to pray to our loving Father who is so willing to teach us how to fellowship with first Him and then to His people. It starts with love people! Empty yourselves and let Him teach you something.

PS: If you want to know my opinion on the matter  I left quite a lengthy comment!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

1 Minute Grown Up 1 Minute Child.

  This is such a weird point in my life. I feel like when I finally start figuring myself out all of a sudden I have no idea what’s going on anymore. Lately I have been feeling so old like I have finally reached adulthood. I pay my own bills, own my own car, pay rent, have a good job, go to my own church and ect. You know, in most ways I have flown away from the nest; found my own path. I’ve started figuring out what I like to do not based on other people but based on my own likes and dislikes. I’ve realized my personal lifestyle and health choices and how they play a role in the type of person I’d like to marry (If that indeed ever happens).

  Last night I had a complete childhood moment. It was rainy outside, I was home alone, and  I had some fuzzy socks on. You know as a kid when you would slip on some socks and use the hard wood floor (or for me the linoleum) as the dance floor. You could spin, slip, and slide all carefree around the house.  It would go on for hours and you would just laugh and keep going until one of your parents told you to stop before you slipped and split open your chin. Well last night my heart got all giddy and all I could think of wanting to do was to blast some music from the swing dancing era and dance crazy all around the house with my socks.

  I’ve been having moments like this lately. All of a sudden out of no where the child inside of me will want to come out and play. Like the other day I was craving hot chocolate… which I don’t like hot chocolate by the way, but I wasn’t just craving any type of hot chocolate I wanted (badly) hot cocoa with little marshmallows in them. I think I just wanted it for the memory. I used to drink hot cocoa in the fall with my sisters. My mom and Dad would pull out the treat when summer turned to fall and we were complaining that school was going to start again. So they’d say something like “Well you cant drink hot cocoa in the summer.” And we would get excited waiting till mom brought us our cups. Of course the moment Mom gave us our cups we’d quickly count to make sure we all had the same amount of marshmallows If not there was sure to be a quarrel. Poor mom had to count everything out perfectly!

  The last time I saw my Mom I had another one of those moments. I miss her a lot. So like a little 4-year-old I crawled into her lap while she was in her rocking sofa and she just petted my hair and rocked me. I just needed to be held. I needed to be comforted and rocked till the world seemed right again. A 20-year-old sitting on her moms lap needing to be held! When will the shift of child to adult fully happen? And when it comes will I welcome it.

  I miss my childhood. I miss how easy it was. Back then I didn’t stress over bills. I didn’t feel exhausted and yet know I had to get up to go to work. I didn’t worry about my life passing by without any significance. I just played and laughed and cried for attention. I sang ALL the time and drove my sisters nuts. But life was so good. I loved it! I guess maybe the moments that take me back to my childhood give me comfort. I need a little laughter. Some craziness. Children are good like that. They can turn anything into fun and laughter.

  I think another reason why these memories bring me to moments of fun and laughter are because they are memories with my mom.  I love her. I don’t see her enough and it hurts a lot. I’ve needed her. Every girl needs her Mom to show her how to turn into a woman. I feel like every time I go and visit her I’m expecting her to miss me as much as I’ve missed her. I’m expecting a huge hug and a million questions of how I’m doing, how I’m feeling, and if I like someone and ect….  But it’s never like that. She gives me a hug and goes back to tending her horses or helping her client.

  When will I stop needing my Mom’s full attention and approval of me. When will the hurt of not being good enough for her go away. I know she loves me but when will I be good enough for her to show me. I think she is just the most marvelous woman. We don’t agree on a lot of things but I take example from her. She is so strong, beautiful, hardworking, and forgives SO easily. She loves the Lord and her only prayer is that all us girls would know Him and love Him to. I guess I miss my childhood so much because I miss my Mommy so much. I miss seeing her all the time. But my world and my mom’s world are so far apart. Our lifestyles clash and when I lived with her in highschool it was no good for our relationship.

  So in conclusion. I have a long way to go before I can call my self grown up. I have scars the Lord is showing me how to work through but I think its fine if I have moments of childlike bliss. It’s fun! Why not bring a little laughter into my busy, unpredictable, stressful life. I need moments of clarity where I can throw my head back and just let my self loose in laughter and goofyness! I need the balance of fun and responsibility…..I’ll tell you when I get there! haha.


Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

Procrastination=284650219364 Rachel=0

 So today has been one of those days where I have a million errands to run and yet the thought of doing them is just, well the only word that fits is ugh. I already worked out so PHEW. One less thing to do.

  I am doing the Insanity workout with trainer Shaun T. Oh, how I love thee. You kick my butt, make me drip sweat, BUT the minute I’m done I want to workout again. How I got rambling on about this, I don’t know… but it least I have one less thing to let my self procrastinate on.  To make matters worse I accidentally overslept from my nap… don’t you hate that? It’s like my body was mocking me….. “I know you need to get up but, this is really just too funny.”

  See this is what I’m trying to point out. This day has been full of needing to do a lot but getting distracted by a lot. Going on little tangents…. and that is what brought me to my wonderful Pandora music playlist, which brought me to my single awareness moment.

  So picture this… I had already accidentally overslept my nap and was hit with the dread that I had to go run errands. To make it worse I’m having one of those days where the thought of doing something alone could possibly send you screaming, even if on most days you would jump at the opportunity to do that activity!

  WEll I had a moment of relief cause I knew that Laura (my stepmom) would be home pretty soon from work so I thought Yay! She will come with me, make the experience tolerable and we will just rush through the errands and laugh while doing it, Woo, yes! Thats right, Rachel =1 Procrastination=0.

  Wrong-o! Don’t get too excited… Laura of course came home and informed me that she had to do a second shift tonight…… “You are kidding me!”  Back to square one. So I thought okay, there has got to be someone, anyone that will come along with me……Tick….. Tick…… Tick ( Sound of my nails drumming on the counter as I think)  “Ah HA Linda!”(Who is a family friend who is staying with us until her housing comes through) Yes! At last! A perfectly suitable Plan B! Woo hoo! …..Wrong-o! She was feeling sick…. “You are FLIPPIN kidding me!”

  So of course Procrastination kicked into the max! I thought okay… lets check my Facebook before I go. What harm could that do? As usual I click open my Internet Explorer and I have my Facebook tab, Pandora tab, and WordPress tab opening up for me. And suddenly I find myself pulled into the melody of a song… “Until You” By-Dave Barnes. Now I’m a look up the lyrics type a girl so I typed the song name into the google search engine and opened a link for the lyrics. Instant heart melting….. This song is SO cute!  So now I am sitting here still procrastinating on my errands but lost in thought with the song on repeat.. Ya know, now that I have switched over to YouTube and have watched the music video, which really wasn’t very good. I guess I don’t know exactly what I am thinking, but the clearest train of thought I can pick up on is that music is sometimes so cruel. haha. It sucks you in with a killer beautiful melody and then the words pick you up and plant you into a different time and place.

  See I both Love and Hate that about Music. With music you can go anywhere, be anything, think anything. For 3 and 1/2 minutes (by average) you can pretend. You can sing at the top of your lungs and pretend that you are in love and enjoying a beautiful starry night with someone amazing, that loves you back. And maybe that’s not so bad. Living in a perfect world for 3 and 1/2 minutes can’t have consequences, can it?

   I think it can…. Cause once the lyrics fade and the melody has slowly drifted back into silence, depending on the feeling the song gave you, you can come down from the “high” of it, so to speak. In a matter of seconds you can go from the wonderful life of romance, love, and excitement, to silence and thinking “What must love REALLY feel like?” For a woman like me, who has never been on a real date, love is something so distant…. I have no idea what it feels like or how exciting it is and listening to music that comes from someones experience of it makes waiting for my Love a lot more inconvenient… well it least until i forget about the song. But what about when I run across another song that makes me melt? When will my amazing man come and pursue me? Or better yet, when will songs like this stop making me want something so badly that I obviously am not supposed to have yet?

  Now this of course is not going to keep me from listening to good music. And  who knows, maybe I let myself think a little too deeply on the matter but oh well my thought process has come back around and I am now back to focusing on errands. This time I really got to go hop in the car and just go…


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Rainy/Cozy Day

  So to be honest when I first realized last night that today was going to be a stormy day I was to say it mildly, peeved. I had been planning to go on a hike up Pilchuck today for over a week. So last night as I was telling my dad about all my plans he whips out his fancy new iPhone and showed me the latest weather update- poopy weather forecast for both Tuesday and Wednesday.Instant irritation. I of course, had to be the bearer of bad news to the friends about the suggestion of putting off our rendezvous, and the plans were over 😦

  But after sleeping in this morning in my cozy bed (feather blankets and pillows… i love you), making myself a cup of coffee and an english muffin, cuddling on the couch with my cozy green soft blanket, listening to the BEST playlist on Pandora (What a wonderful invention God decided to bless us with), and getting to work on creating my fancy new blog site, I would have to say this day has turned out un-expectantly pleasant.

  Though I can honestly say I despise the change of weather from warm to cold I will admit that there is something so magnificently wonderful about it being windy rainy and yucky outside and being inside where its warm (even though Dad refuses to start the wood fireplace untill october…. crazy guy). Cuddling up on the couch with a warm drink, writing, listening to music, oh what bliss!

  Ope… looks like I’m about ready for a refill on my coffee… if you can call it coffee anymore after all the milk I’ve added to it. I’ve come to realize that I don’t love coffee…. I love all the stuff I put in coffee to make the bitter go away. haha 3 parts coffee 1 part NF milk and a tsp of vanilla caramel creamer….. Alright I’m off/


Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments